Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless
by doctorwholove
Summary: AH. Bella Swan is your average high school girl. When Edward Cullen moves into town he becomes her obsession. She figures starting an online blog could help sort through her obsession. But even talking things out doesn't mean they'll go away.
1. Chapter 1

November 17, 2009. 6:29:01 p.m.

What is a blog?

A blog is a personal online journal that is frequently updated and intended for general public consumption.

I honestly have no idea why I'm wasting my time typing this. I just know I need something to busy myself with. I'm one of those people that could think about something until they go crazy. And this seemed like a good way to prevent that, to spill my thoughts.

Fingers crossed.

Being the type of person that over analyzes things, I'm pretty good at screwing things up. I can somehow morph a situation into something completely different. By just thinking about it. Imagine if acted on my thoughts. Then my life would really suck.

But this isn't going to be that type of blog where I complain about the person I am. This is just my journal, whereas I'm just saving some trees. Well, on second thought, there may be some complaining, but it won't be overbearing. Because who wants to hear about someone else's life anyways?

Apparently, you, the person reading this. And that makes me wonder. Why do you, a person with a life, care about mine?

More to come.

_Thoughts of the perpetually hopeless._

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AN: Okay, so this is my first attempt at a story. Chapters will be longer! And I plan to update pretty frequently. Thoughts would be appreciated!

Clumsyyhouseaddict.


	2. Chapter 2

November 18, 2009 5:42:12 p.m.

There are three things on my mind right now.

Thought 1: Swedish fish. They never actually leave my mind.

Thought 2: Why do dogs bark and cats meow?

Thought 3: Why am I so obsessed with Edward Cullen?

Ever since he moved her last week and I first saw him, he hasn't left my mind.

When did I become a stalker? When I saw the living, breathing Adonis. I don't even know a thing about this boy other than his name and I'm acting like I can't live without him. Do you know how annoying that is?

But I'm not the only girl carrying a torch for Edward. Half of the female population in school want a piece of him. Even some male students too.

Let's take a walk down imaginary lane and paint a picture of this gorgeous boy.

Edward's tall. He's built but not so built it's slightly gross. His hair is the color of a shiny, new penny. His eyes are greener than emeralds. His skin contains no blemishes but is pale. His jaw is strong, and defined. His nose, perfect and straight. His smile could make a blind man smile. With his perfectly straight brilliantly white teeth.

In case you didn't notice, he's perfection in human form.

But Like I said, I'm not the only one to show interest.

Tanya Hurley is the school whore.

Plain and simple.

I once heard that if you randomly pick three boys at our scholl she's slept with one of them.

I'd believe that.

Like me, she's had her eye on him since she first saw him. During lunch when I look over at his table I can see her shamelessly flirting with him. I can also see him roll his eyes at her. Which of course makes want to point and laugh at her. But I don't, of course.

Unlike me, she's completely gorgeous and has a better chance. Even if it seems he can't stand her.

Sometimes, I secretly wish she has herpes. Just so her face won't be so pretty.

But I'd never tell anyone that.

Oops, I just did. Let's keep this between ourselves, alright?

Got to love the anonymity of the blogosphere.

Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own zip, nada.

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November 19, 2009. 4:31:34 a.m.

It's official, I'm insane.

After finishing a butt load of homework I was to worn out do anything other than fall into a nice, dreamless sleep.

Pfffft.

Why do we dream?

Some people say a dream serves no purpose, it's just our brains way of finding something to do while we snooze. Other say they are essential to mental and physical health, and that they reveal subconscious needs and wants.

If the latter is true, I'm in quite a pickle. My opinion? A dream screws with your mind. Especially the one I had last night.

My dream started out normal. I was in a church that was beautifully decorated. White tulips were everywhere, which just happened to be, my favorite flower. It was clear to anyone that a wedding was taking place. It was when I tried to walk that I noticed what I was wearing.

A wedding dress. So this was my wedding. It was pretty nice too, if I do say so myself. Kudos to the wedding planner of my fake, dream wedding.

But I started to panic. My dream self did, of course. I heard a door open and out stepped Alice Brandon, my best friend. She was dressed in a gorgeous black floor length gown with a white ribbon around the waist. But there was something different about her.

She was older. She looked way to young to be a senior in high school. I caught my reflection in a mirror in the room and saw that I too, was older.

So this is the future.

"Are you ready?" She asked, smiling. She was obviously happy with who I was marrying. But my dream self followed her, unsure of what else to do. I felt as if I was watching a movie. I knew I was dreaming, I just couldn't wake up or control anything that was happening.

I saw my father standing near French double doors, waiting for me in a nice black tux. I got to him and he smiled at me.

"I'm glad you're marrying him, (insert fake name here, like I would really put my real one, hah.)."

My curiosity of who I was marrying only thickened when my dad approved of my dream-husband. I just hoped it really wasn't Jacob Black.

I grabbed my dads arm and waited for my turn to leave. I didn't recognize the flower girl or the ring bearer. But I did recognize Rosalie Hale and Angela Weber as two of my other bridesmaids.

My heart rate was picking up as my turn got closer and closer. I'm not sure, but I clearly remembering hearing the Jaws theme song in my dream as I waited.

When it was finally my turn, my dream self wouldn't look at the groom! No matter how hard I willed myself to look up she wouldn't do it. She was playing dirty, she _obviously _knew who she was marrying. She just thought it'd be fun to leave me in the dark. To me, in my dream state, the walk seemed painfully slow. I felt like I was watching grass grow.

When my dream self finally reached the end, she looked up.

Big freakin' mistake.

Edward Cullen looked gorgeous in his black tux standing across from me, smiling like a blind man who had just seen his child or maybe the world for the first time.

In my dream, I was his new child or his new world, and I loved it all.

The wedding vows were traditional. When it came time for the I do's, I started to think my mind was playing a prank on me. That Edward would break out into a hysteria of laughter and say no.

But he didn't.

He didn't even hesitate. The preacher had barely gotten the last word out before Edward said, "I do." In the most sure, even voice. There was absolutely no hint of hesitation or nervousness. He was ready for this, he wanted this.

When it was my turn I expected dream self to do the exact thing Edward did. But she didn't. She waited. I just wanted to scream at myself. Scream at her to say I do. And when she finally did, if it's possible, I let out a sigh of relief. While I was still asleep.

But it was time for something much more bigger. The kiss. His lips started to inch towards mine. I could feel his hot breath on my face and I closed my eyes in anticipation when suddenly…

I jumped out bed in a cold sweat.

That was twenty minutes ago, and here I am, still pretty much freaking out.

But I'm going to go shower and get ready for school. Because I know after that, I will not be going back to sleep.

More to come.

_Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless. _

_**(Same Day) 5:23:12 p.m.**_

November 19, 2009, a day that will leave in infamy.

After my psychotic dream last night, as you read earlier. I was just a tad wigged out about going to school. For some reason, I felt like I couldn't face Edward. That somehow he would know that I had a dream about him. I felt dirty, but no matter how much I scrubbed while I was in the shower, the feeling wouldn't wash away.

My morning classes are nowhere near Edwards, thank the lord. I didn't have to face him until lunch. But when it came time for lunch I was seriously starting to panic.

I walked into the cafeteria warily, taking slow, lethargic steps. I kept my eyes forward. Not letting them slide to Edwards table, where he sat with his siblings. I got to my table and sat down, looking intently on my food. I didn't allow myself to look up until finally my eyes started watering from not blinking in so long. And when I did look up, my eyes involuntarily went to his table.

And I think I jumped about three feet when I saw what he was wearing. Edward Cullen should really consider wearing a black tux all day, every day. He looked even better in it now, than in my dream. I knew my mind was just messing with me, I'm pretty sure he didn't actually wear a tux to school, but it still looked nice.

As if he was reading my mind, he looked over at me. We looked at each other for what seemed like minutes, but in all reality, was maybe at most, thirty seconds. I was the one to break contact. I felt like a kid who had just gotten got looking at their Christmas presents when they weren't supposed too.

I blushed at the table knowing he probably thought I was just another girl obsessed with him. Ohh, if you only knew Edward, if you only knew. But when I allowed myself to look back up, he was gone. I looked around the lunchroom and realized that most of the students had left.

Sixth period Advanced Biology was just another class. I didn't hate it, but I wasn't skipping for joy as I walked towards it either.

Class started out as usual. We began with 'independent' work. It was actually just busy work, so Mr. Banner could play his Dungeons and Dragons during class. But I didn't look up when the door opened and every other girl started giggling, although, I did look up when Mr. Banner told whoever was here, that they could sit by me.

If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all, honestly.

Edward Cullen was walking towards the chair right next to me. He was in regular school clothes again, and I kind of missed my some-what hallucination at lunch.

I started to breathe heavily, he would be my lab partner. We'd have to work outside of class with projects. I'd actually have to _talk_ to him.

Crud. This is not what I wanted. I just wanted to admire him from afar, that way I couldn't get hurt or caught up in anything.

I kind of maybe sorta have intimacy issues. But I prefer to call them protective walls. I've seen to many girls get hurt over stupid boys. I wasn't going to be one of them.

I inconspicuously, or tried to, scoot my chair as far away from his as the table would allow. And in reality, all I wanted to do was scoot as close to him as I could.

When the bell rand I shot out of my chair like a bat out of hell. But being the person that I am and having my luck, I didn't even get a table away before I tripped on a chair and went flying.

But I didn't hit the ground.

Strong, warm arms caught me around my waist, and I knew exactly who it was. Trying not to be rude, I turned to him and thanked him. But I made the mistake of looking at his face. He was clearly confused as to why I was treating him this way, a person I didn't even know. I could tell he wanted to call me out on it, but he bit his tongue.

Don't worry Edward, I'm confused too.

So yeah, my day, was just splendid.

_Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless._

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**AN: This is the average size of all chapters. They will be told in blog format, so sorry if you hate that. This won't be a long story because it absolutely bothers me when authors drag things out. Have a nice Thanksgiving! **

clumsyyhouseaddict.


	4. Chapter 4

November 22, 2009. 10:23:43 p.m.

The rest of the week I tried my hardest to avoid Edward. I had no legit reason to avoid him other than the fact that I'm to chicken to actually get to know him.

It worked up until Friday. We were assigned a group project, and that of course, involved talking to your lab partner.

The minute Mr. Banner walked in, I knew something was up. He had a smug smile on his face that just radiated that he had something up his sleeve.

Let's talk a walk down memory lane..

"_Okay class, now we've been studying dominate and recessive genes. So we're going to go deeper into our studies and actually make a baby." _

_The male half of the classroom busted out into a chorus of cat-calls and high fives. _

"_Stupid pigs. I bet they actually think they're finally gonna get some," I muttered under my breath. Edward snorted beside me and I looked over. Had he heard me? I thought I muttered that quiet enough so no one would hear. Note: Edward Cullen has ears like a hawk. _

_But I noticed something else annoying in an entirely different aspect. Every girl in that class were sneaking glances at Edward. They wanted him to be their fake baby daddy. For some reason I felt protective, territorial, of him. Which was just plain stupid. _

"_Settle down," Mr. Banner told the class authoritatively. "Now your fake husband/wife will of course be your lab partner. You are to look at your families and decide what the dominant and recessive genes are. Then draw your child with the appropriate genes, __**together.**__ This is due next Wednesday so I would start now. You have the rest of class to discuss this." He sat down at his computer and started killing dragons or what ever it is you kill on that stupid game his plays incessantly. _

_I just stayed facing forward staring at the board, I was not going to be the one to speak first. _

"_So," Edward began. "I'm Edward." Ohh, I know who you are Edward. _

"_Bella," I said quietly. _

_He nodded. "We should probably get started on this. Do you want to meet up somewhere tomorrow so we can sketch the child?" _

_The way he said the sentence, he was so formal, it just made me laugh. _

"_Is there something funny?" He asked, his eyebrows raised. Does he think I'm mocking him? _

_I shook my head. "It's just the way you said 'the child'. You sounded like a creeper. Most people would just say baby. And I found that humorous." _

_He thought about it for a moment. Before laughing himself. "I guess it did sound like I was one of those old guys in a creepy thriller movie."_

_We fell into silence neither of us knowing what to say next. Since he was the bigger person who broke the silence the first time, I guess I had to put on my big girl pants and man up for the job. "__So you said something about meeting up tomorrow?" My stomach flipped at the thought of being seen outside of school with Edward._

_He nodded. "I was thinking about you just coming to my house? I mean if that's okay." He sounded nervous as nervous as I felt._

_His house?! "Uhm, s-sure." _

_His face showed signs of relief and I thought I heard him exhale as if he was holding his breath. "How about you come by around 2?" _

_I was about to say something but the bell rang and Edward took off. _

_I guess I'm going to be at Edward Cullen's house at 2 tomorrow._

_I'm never going to go to sleep tonight._

So now it's Saturday morning, and I'm waiting. I've been dressed for about two hours now. And I've still got a mere, oh, three hours until I have to leave.

But now, I'm going to go and _try_ to sleep.

Try being the operative word.

More to come later.

_Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless._

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**AN: **Okay, so now they're speaking to each other. :) Next Chapter should be up sometime this week, so that's why this one is so short.

Alright, so I know people are reading this. Would it be to much trouble to ask for a review? I'm not one of those authors who threaten that they must have ten reviews before posting the next chapter. That's lame, but I'd like to know your thoughts. It's just a request. :)

clumsyyhouseaddict.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing!

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November 22, 2009 7:34:23 p.m.

I'm baaaaaaack.

To say I was surprised when I got to his house would be the understatement of the century. It's nothing like I'd expect.

But don't worry, because I'm ready to spill all the juicy details. Are you ready?

_I was pacing around my house waiting for 1:30 to roll around. I had decided earlier that was an acceptable time to leave. Not to early, and not to late. I wouldn't seem desperate and I wouldn't seem like I didn't care. A happy medium. _

_As I was pulling out of my drive way I slammed on my brakes. It hit me like a ton of bricks. How could I be so stupid? It was pretty important and how could I have forgotten?! _

_I didn't have the kids address! _

_I started freaking out. How was I supposed to get to his house? I guess a 'true' stalker would already know, but I'm not a true, true stalker. I'm just obsessed. If I don't show up he's just going to think I hate him and then I'll never get to know him! _

_My head was running in circles so fast, that if it had legs, it could take down Michael Phelps in swimming. _

_Just as I was about to go back inside and sulk for the rest of the weekend, my phone rang. I picked it up without even glancing at the number, something I don't usually do. _

"_Hello?" I asked in an irritated voice. I wasn't going to Edwards house, I was pissed._

"_Bell?" --_[that is a fake name, by the way. ]

"_Edward?" Could this really be him? Or was it my mind playing dirty? I pinched myself to see if I would wake up. Nope, still here. _

"_Yeah-h-h. I, um, realized this morning that I never gave you my address yesterday. It was kind of a slap in the face moment. Funny story actually, I was in the shower and I was scrubbing my-__" _

"_Edward," I cut him off. As much as I loved hearing about him in the shower, I was more excited to see him. _

_He laughed nervously. "I guess you don't need all the details. But anyways, I tried calling everyone who's number I had from school to see if they possibly had yours. I struck luck with a girl named Alice Brandon. She told me she was your best friend?" _

_I had not yet told Alice of my little crush, and I knew now, it was mandatory. "Yeahh, she is. So your address?" I felt as if I was rushing this conversation along. I just wanted him to spit it out already and save the sappy story for the grandkids! _

_He gave me his address, which wouldn't be trouble finding. He lived right outside of town where the larger houses were. I only knew where it was, because Alice lived about a block from him. I'd heard rumors that Edward was well off, but I never really believed them. I'd seen his car at school, it was how we judged how 'well off' someone was. It was a nice silver Volvo. While most kids at our school drove older cars, except for Alice, of course. She drove a canary yellow Porsche that made all the boys turn their heads. But that's just the way Alice rolled. _

_I began feeling extremely self-conscious on the drive there. What would he think of my old clunker? I drove a beat up, red, faded truck and it was easily the oldest car at school. But I __**loved**__ my truck. It made me feel safe when I drove it. Strangely enough, it also gave me a sense of power and strength. Because who would play chicken with a tank? _

_After what seemed like hours, I arrived in front of a large, no, gigantic, mansion. His house was all white, but it was so clean! It's like someone cleaned his house everyday, with bleach and other powerful chemicals. It was at least three stories. It reminded me of the old plantation houses back before the Civil War, the ones you see in history books. _

_I gulped before stepping out of my cab. Time to put your game face on, Bell. _

_I rang his doorbell and waited for someone to answer. I hope it's not like his mom or something, please let it be him._

_The door swung open and there stood a woman in her early forties, with brown hair and warm eyes. "You must be Bell. I'm Edwards mother, Esme." She said smiling, pulling me into a hug._

_I wasn't sure what else I was supposed to do, so I awkwardly returned her hug. "Thanks for having me here, Mrs. Cullen." _

"_It's Esme dear! Edward is upstairs playing his piano. Just follow the music." She ushered me to a large grand staircase that made me feel like a princess when I walked up them. Edward Cullen was definitely living the life of the luxurious. _

_I did just as Esme said too, I followed the beautiful melodic music. If this was Edward, he must be a distant relative of Bach, because he was amazing. _

_He was on the second floor in a room just to the left at the stairs. I wasn't sure what I supposed to do, so I tentatively knocked on the door. _

"_Come in." Edward said. _

_I opened the door hesitantly. When Edward turned around to see who it was, Edward smiled, getting up. _

"_Bella! You made it. I hope my mother didn't bother you downstairs. When I play I don't usually hear the doorbell ring, or I would've been down there to greet you." Edward said, looking glorious. Black t-shirts are his thing. Especially with jeans._

_I shook my head. "Your mother was very pleasant. So should we get started?" _

_Edward nodded his head, directing me to the door. "All of my stuff is in my room. Do you mind if we work in there?" _

_I felt as if I'd won the lottery. "No." I said my voice cracking. This was going to be a long afternoon. _

_His room was the perfect room for a teenager. One wall was completely made of glass and I had a feeling the whole back of the house was too. His bed faced the opposite wall, so when he woke up in the morning he could rise and see the view. To the left of his bed was a small desk and computer. To the right of his bed was a bookcase that covered the whole wall. Top to bottom, left to right. It held massive amounts of music and books. In the middle of the bookcase was an expensive looking stereo system, that looked as if you could break it just by staring at it to long. His room was very organized and I found myself envying Edward and his seemingly perfect life. But I've always been told that things are not what they appear. _

"_Let's get to work," Edward said clapping his hands together. _

_We worked for about three hours. Comparing family photos and of course traits of ourselves. _

"_The baby would definitely have your eyes. They're to beautiful not to pass down." Edward said looking right straight at me. I be he's a master at staring contests, because I felt like he was staring into my soul. When did I become such a cheese ball? _

_I blushed and looked down. "If the baby has my eyes, it gets your unique hair color." _

_He rolled his eyes. "For the longest time, I thought I was a milk mans baby." _

_I laughed and shook my head. "Hey why was Tigger looking in the toilet?" I knew it was random, but I wanted to see if he'd play along. I had to know if there was a fun side to him._

_He looked confused. "I don't know. Why?" _

"_To find Pooh!" I busted out laughing at the joke my father heard from one of the men down at the station. It was corny, but it was a good corny. _

_Edward finally got it after a minute, and he too, started laughing. I found myself smiling at the fact that Edward could be serious and fun. I sighed, was there anything Edward couldn't do? _

_Edward took my sigh as something else though. "Do you have to leave?" I'm not sure if it was just me, but he almost looked sad. _

_I glanced at my phone and it was getting pretty late, I'd been here longer than I thought I'd be. But then again, I didn't expect it to go this amazingly. _

"_I kind of need too." _

_Edward nodded his head and got up. I gathered my stuff and followed him. I was almost to the door when I heard a voice from up the stairs. _

"_Edward," The voice almost cooed. "Who is this?" _

_Edward nostrils flared. "Emmett, don't be a douche." _

_I raised my eyebrows in shock. For some reason, I just didn't expect 'douche' to be in Edwards vocabulary. _

"_Edward, get your antibacterial underwear out of the crook of your ass. We're still new here and I want to meet new people. God knows, I need friends to hang out with at school with besides you. I already see you at home." Emmett said, walking down the stairs. _

_Now that I was really looking at him, I could tell this guy is huge. Someone should probably warn him about the effects of steroids. He had brown curly hair, and friendly brown eyes. He definitely favors his mothers looks. _

"_I'm Bell." I said nervously. This guy was way too big and way to close for comfort. _

_But all the sudden he was on the ground with a blonde guy on top of him punching his face while saying, "I got you back!" _

_I instinctively inched closer to the door and Edward noticed. "Dumb and Dumber, would you please get up? You're freaking out the company." _

_I suddenly recognized the blonde one. He was Edwards other brother. I saw Alice ogling him the other day, and I laughed. She never took interest in any guys. _

_The blonde guy stuck his hand out, smiling. "I'm Jasper. Your Alice's friend right?" _

_He actually knew who Alice was? This was going to make her one happy girl when I told her. "Yeah, she's my best friend. And I'm Bell." I said, smiling back. _

_Jasper clearly resembled Dr. Cullen. I'd met him his first day on the job. I was cleaning the kitchen when I tripped on one of the kitchen chairs and I cut my head. My dad freaked out screaming to get me to the hospital because I could've died of blood loss. Dr. Cullen was definitely a looker, and it was clear that his sons were too. And no son was like in any way. It was rather surprising that they were brothers. But as I was standing here watching them talk with one another, it was clear to see they were extremely close. _

_Edward finally looked up as if he remembered me. I said my goodbyes to Jasper and Emmett, and Edward walked me out. _

"_Your brothers are entertaining." I commented._

"_They belong in a zoo." His words may have been sarcastic but the tone he said them in, suggested he'd have it no other way._

_I was standing at my truck door now and Edward was standing pretty close. _

_He abruptly pulled me up into a hug and whispered into my ear, "I'll see you Monday, Bella." _

_When he released me and went back inside I just sort of stood there. After about a minute of just staring into space I finally got into my truck and drove on home. Smiling to myself the whole way there. _

And now you know all that went down. But now, I must take a warm shower to calm my nerves after an eventful day. Plus, I know an anxious Alice is waiting by the phone for my call.

_Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless._

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**AN:** An update a day earlier than I expected! :) I will either update later this week or early next week.

So I was looking at some of the previous chapters and I saw that I made some mistakes. For one in the last chapter, I accidentally said Bella, and I got the time wrong. But since I'm new on here with author stuff, I don't know how to fix it. So I'm just going to leave it and you guys can pretend it doesn't exist. ;)

Once again, reviews would be appreciated!

clumsyyhouseaddict.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

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November 23 4:01:59

Mondays blow.

After smiling like a goof all day yesterday, I was anxious for Monday. How would Edward and I react to each other? Would he talk to me whenever he saw me? Or would he revert back to ignoring me? It was all very nerve racking, and I didn't get much done.

So when I pulled up into school Monday morning and saw Tanya Hurley getting out of his car, I swear I looked as if my dog just died right in front of me. I already wasn't happy about only coming to school one day, and then being be out for Thanksgiving break for the rest of the week. This day was just starting out great.

But when I saw Edward's face it gave me a little bit of hope. He was scowling. Clearly annoyed at whatever she was saying to him. When she placed her hand on his arm while she laughed, and he jerked it away, I nearly did a victory dance. He looked in the direction of my truck and caught my eye. He smiled and waved, and of course Tanya had to look back and see what had gotten his attention. She made a face and huffed away.

I smiled, grabbing my bag and heading to class. Today could prove interesting.

My morning classes were nothing short of dull. I spaced out in every class, just thinking. Thank goodness no teacher ever called on me. I'd look like fool, because I have no clue what we went over in any of them.

When lunch finally rolled around I walked to the cafeteria anxiously.

I casually looked around the cafeteria trying not to show that I was looking for Edward, when I clearly was. When I didn't see him, I cursed under my breath. I walked towards the food line and waited.

"Looking for me?"

I jumped and turned to see a smiling Edward. What was I supposed to say? _Yes, yes I was. Because I like to know where you are at all times._

"I was actually looking for Alice." Nice save, except for the fact she doesn't have the same lunch as me. But maybe Edward didn't know that.

"Doesn't she have second lunch? Jasper mentioned that she did."

"Jasper?" I asked surprised, Alice hadn't said anything about actually ever talking to Jasper yet. Just admiring him from a distance.

"Oops, I wasn't supposed to say something. But Jasper has become quite intrigued by your little friend. It's quite funny actually."

"Jasper and I have something in common then." I muttered as quietly as I could, mostly to myself.

But of course, it wasn't quite enough for Edward. "You do?" His voice sounded so curious I couldn't help but smile.

I just nodded, scolding myself for slipping up. Being secretly obsessed with someone is proving more difficult than I thought.

"Who is it?"

I laughed. "You'll never know."

We finally got our food, and I started to head towards my table when Edward tugged on my arm lightly and started leading me towards his table.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Emmett wanted you to sit with us today."

"Just Emmett?" I immediately regretted saying anything. It was too forward, I wasn't even sure if we were friends and here I am, flirting with him. My stomach started twising into knots as I waited for his response.

But he didn't say anything. He just looked back and smiled. Was this his way of flirting? Or could he not think of something to say? GAH! What I wouldn't give to read minds!

When Emmett saw us walking towards him, he smiled and started waving his arms like a mad man, thinking we couldn't see him.

"Is he trying to land a plane?" Some random kid at a table we were passing muttered. Edward and I laughed.

When we finally got to the table, Emmett commanded I sit across from him.

"Bell! I'm surprised you're sitting with us."

"Well why wouldn't I?" I asked.

"Well, I figured you wouldn't want to be seen with Edward in public. I understand that he is a burden to your reputation. I only talk to him because everyone here is not that friendly." Emmett said, completely serious.

I nearly choked on my pizza from laughing. I looked at Edward who seemed unfazed by his brothers comment. "You need a reputation for one to be harmed, so it's all good. Plus people here don't open up to new people very well. Give them some time." I said.

The rest of lunch was spent seeing who could come up with the cheesiest jokes. I didn't have many, and neither did Edward. But Emmett kept spitting them out. I started getting suspicious and apparently so did Edward, because he reached under the table and grabbed a book that Emmett was holding. The title? The Cheesiest Jokes on Earth. Emmett was very adamant that he had no clue where that book came from.

"Does this happen often?" I asked Edward.

"He cheats at everything. Even at I-Spy." Edward said shaking his head.

Just as I was about to laugh my stomach made a disgusting growl. I clutched my stomach and laid my head on the table.

"Edward did you poison her?!" Emmett yelled.

Edward snorted. "Emmett shut up and help me carry her to the nurse."

"No you guys, I'm fine. I promise." I protested, but just then my stomach made another growl. Never again will I eat pizza.

I opened my eyes and saw Edward staring at my face. "What?" I asked feeling self conscious.

"You look like death. Please just let us take you to the nurse."

Great, what every girl wanted to hear from her crush, but I nodded anyway. Edward scooped me up and started walking. I closed my eyes trying not to think about the kids I know were staring at me and were talking to about me.

When we finally made it to the nurse I felt as if I was about to hurl. She took one look at my face and said I could go home. Good, I wasn't even in the mood to deal with people.

"Edward you can put me down now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I huffed.

He set my down and I stood still waiting for the spinning in my head to stop. I walked over and grabbed my bag from Emmett and headed toward my truck.

I heard someone running behind me. I turned and saw it was Edward. "Bell, you are not driving home." He grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards his car.

"My truck…" I trailed off.

"Emmett will bring it over later."

I nodded to weak and tired to protest. I got in the car and immediately put my head on the cool window. I closed my eyes and drifted.

So I've been awake for about thirty minutes. But, I woke up in my bed. Not in Edwards car. So somehow Edward found my house key, unlocked my front door, and carried me up to my room. Without me waking up of course.

Note: Edward Cullen could be a secret Ninja.

But that's not what sucks the worst is I didn't get to say thanks or bye. So now I have to spend a whole SIX days without seeing his face.

So as I said earlier, Mondays blow.

Thank goodness I spend Thanksgiving with Alice. Maybe I could somehow run into him..

_Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless._

* * *

**AN: **A little late updating, I know. And I don't really like this chapter. I had to no clue where to go with it, so I just improvised, and I think you can tell. Next one will be most definitely more thought out and better. I'm thinking there may be only two more chapters. There's no sense in dragging out the inevitable like I know some authors do. Another update later this week.

Please review. :D

clumsyyhouseaddict.


	7. Chapter 7

November 26 10:33:34 a.m.

Never have I wished for school so much in my life.

The past three days I've been doing every possible thing to keep myself busy. Both in thought and action.

Tuesday, I went to the hardware store, got some paint and painted the shed outside. It's now a nice green. I also read four Jane Austen novels. I forgot how much I love the classics.

Wednesday, I saw that the upstairs bathroom toilet was on the fritz. So I again go to the hardware store, getting a book on plumbing for dummies and fix that. My dad was speechless for about five minutes when he saw what I was doing. I've got a job on Friday to help the neighbors with their master toilet.

But today, today is Turkey day. Where everyone in the America gains 23 pounds. I've never understood the need to stuff your face on November 26. I don't care much for Thanksgiving. It's lost it's true purpose over the years, as has Christmas.

But Alice, loved the holiday. She loved every holiday. She even celebrates Hanukah. She's not Jewish, she just loves a good party.

She's commanding me to be at her house around noon so she could 'get me ready'. Translation: do my hair in some ungodly way, put tons of acrylic make-up on my face, clogging my pores and ruining my skin, put me in clothes a hooker would blush about wearing, and slip some shoes on me that make me eye to eye with Shaq.

Man, I am bitter.

More to come after the feast.

_Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless._

November 26, 2009 10:23:34 p.m.

It's funny how a situation can change in twelve hours. How a situation so unnerving could do a complete three sixty.

Let's begin with the preparations..

_I arrived at Alice's at exactly noon. But I was late. Alice always said that if your on time your late, and if your five minutes early, your on time. _

_I got out of my car and looked down at Edward's house, Their cars were in the driveway, so maybe they were staying home for Thanksgiving. That made me smile knowing that Edward had not gone home to whatever city he came from. _

_"Bell! What are you doing staring into space?! You're wasting my valuable time!" Alice screamed from her doorway, stomping her foot in the process. _

_"Coming," I muttered dejectedly. _

_Everything after that was a blur. When Alice is dressing me I try not keep track of the time, it just makes the process go on. _

_My hair was actually left down just slightly curled. She was merciful today and just put mascara and blush on my face, but what really made my day was the fact that instead of making me wear some ungodly short dress, she let me wear some nice jeans and a nice sweater with flats. She must have been in a good mood. _

_"Alice, is anyone joining us today?" I asked suspiciously. _

_"Actually, yes. There will be a family joining us." She said while picking up dresses and holding them against her body. "Which one?" _

_"The green one is nice. Who's joining us?" _

_She smiled evilly. "You'll see."_

_"Alice." I groaned. _

_"Bell I think I hear my mother calling us to help with dinner." "I didn't hear anything." _

_"Just come on!" She said stomping off._

_I was put in charge of the pies. I was the only one who Alice's mom could really trust in the kitchen. Alice was not very handy when it came to cooking, so she was just put in charge of supervision and decorating. Whoever was coming tonight she was trying really hard to impress. Even though she dressed me simply, she was decked all out. I'd never seen Alice so dressed up, except for maybe prom. _

_"Bell, could you go and get the door?" Alice asked while setting up the table. _

_I raised my eyebrows. "It hasn't rang." _

_Just as I finished my sentence the doorbell rang. I shook my head in amazement at Alice, and walked to the door. _

_When I opened the door, I expected to see some family of Alice's, but when I saw who was really at the door I knew I smiled to myself. Fate you are my new my best friend. _

_"Bell, I didn't know you'd be here today." Edward said smiling. _

_"I could say the same for you." _

_"Alice said she'd spoken to you about it." _

_I looked back over my shoulder giving a quick glare to Alice, knowing she kept this from me on purpose. _

_"You like really nice today," Edward commented. _

_I blushed and maybe swooned just a little bit. If he liked the way Alice dressed me, maybe she should be doing it more often. _

_"Are you the only one coming?" I asked looking around for the rest of the family. _

_Edward shook his head. "Their all arguing on who gets to carry the flowers over here." _

_I laughed and nodded my head. _

_"Hey Bell?" _

_"Yeah Edward?" _

_"Can we go inside now? It's kind of cold out here." Edward said laughing. _

_I blushed and ushered him in. He took in Alice's house like most people. In awe. Her house was similar to Edwards, but was much more elegant and sophisticated. _

_"Edward! Glad you could make it!" Alice said walking out of her kitchen. I did not miss the glance she slyly gave me, I returned it with a glare, and she just giggled. "Where is everyone else?" _

_Edward was about to speak but was interrupted by her door bell. Alice rushed to the door as if her dream man was waiting on the other side. _

_And then it hit me. _

_Edwards brother Jasper, would be here today too. That's why she was all fancy smancy. Ohh, I'd get her back for this later. _

_The rest of the time before dinner was spent getting dinner ready and visiting. I did notice that Edward kept sneaking glances at me, and when I would catch him he would just smile and look away. Alice and Jasper were so obviously flirting it was boring to watch, and Rosalie Hale, another good friend of mine actually showed, and Emmett took an immediate liking to her. That left Edward and I to be the fifth wheels, and I somehow felt that this was planned. I was just waiting out my opportune moment to get Alice back. _

_Dinner was served promptly at three. I was in between Emmett and Edward, and Alice and Jasper sat directly across from us. Everyone was in one big conversation, so I felt that it was now my time to get Alice back. _

_"So Jasper, have any girls caught your eye at school yet?" _

_Alice dropped her fork and glared at me. Jasper just look surprised at this question. "Uhm, yeah actually." _

_I nodded my head going back to my food. Not exactly sure what to say. But I felt safe to say that Alice was gotten back. _

_"So Edward, has anyone caught your eye?" I looked up at Alice and she smiled at me mouthing something. I'm not quite sure what it was but, I'm pretty sure it was 'paybacks a bitch.' _

_Edward, like Jasper, was surprised at this question. "Yeah. There is one." _

_"Well who is she?" _

_Edward shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "She's a student." _

_Alice laughed. "Well duh Edward. I mean what's her name? Does she have blond hair?" _

_"Brunette. She's a brunette." _

_I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing then. I kept my eyes on my plate knowing that if I looked at Edward, I'd say something completely stupid. _

_The rest of dinner was a quiet affair. The parents soon joined our conversation also, after spending most of dinner engaged in their own. It was nearing six and I told Alice I needed to leave to get home to my dad. I hugged her goodbye thanked her for the dinner and walked outside. I didn't know someone was behind me, so when I heard the door close a second time I looked back._

_"Edward? What are you doing?" _

_He looked nervous. "Uhm, I kind of needed to talk to you." _

_"About what?" _

_"Do you remember when Alice asked me that question? About the girl I liked?" _

_My palms started sweating. "Y-yeah." _

_"Well, I just well, damn! Why is this crap so hard?! Why can't you just tell the person you like them without worrying about rejection?! Why must stupid emotion get in the way?!" _

_"I-I don't know," I stuttered thoroughly confused. _

_"I'm sorry Bell, I took my anger out on you that I have with myself for not being able to just tell you." _

_"Tell me what?" _

_"That I have feelings for you." _

_If this is a dream, don't ever wake me up. "You do?!" _

_"Yes. God do I. It's actually a little weird how much I like you, and I hardly know you. But I'd like to change that. Will you go out with me?" _

_I looked down at myself and pinched my arm. I heard Edward laugh, and I looked up. He was staring at me with an unreadable expression in his green eyes. He looked nervous, nervous as hell. He looked vulnerable. And I was the reason for all of that. I was causing him to sweat and wonder, much like he'd done to me in the past few weeks. It's nice to know the tables have changed. _

_"Yes," I whispered smiling. He then got this huge grin on his face that rivaled even the most beautiful thing on earth. _

_He gave me a quick hug and said he'd call me tomorrow to set up our date. I nodded and climbed into my truck in a daze. _

_I'm amazed at how I didn't crash on the way home. I was in another world entirely fantasizing about our date. _

Alice was wrong, her payback, may have just made my senior year.

So yeah, I'm pretty sure Thanksgiving is now my favorite holiday.

_Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless_

(p.s. do you think it's time for a name change?)

* * *

**AN:** There is about one more chapter left and then an epilogue. Like I said, I hate drawing things out. Hopefully this chapter turned out better than the last. I'll most likely update over the weekend.

Please review. :)

clumsyyhouseaddict.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

November 28, 2009 5:34:32

Have you ever noticed how much time flies when you're dreading something? Have you ever noticed how time doesn't fly when you're super duper excited about something?

It's so twisted.

Edward called me yesterday (the day after Thanksgiving) and we made plans for a date tomorrow¾well, now today. He was very secretive about it, which bothered me. I hate, hate, hate surprises. I also don't like first dates. They're awkward and nerve racking. You choose your words carefully because you're afraid if you say something, your date will take it the wrong way.

It's all so stressful.

But maybe, just maybe, my first date with Edward will result in many more to come.

I've been ready for about two hours now. Alice again, dressed me. She was merciful again only dressing me in black skinny jeans, a blue sweater, and some boots that went on top of my jeans. All very casual, which I thanked her for graciously.

I tried relaxing in front of the TV, but that just didn't flow. I couldn't settle on what I wanted to watch. Then I thought, 'hey! I like to read. I should read!'. I grabbed a book and started reading, but I felt like a meth head. I was fidgeting in chair, checking the clock, messing with my clothes. I just couldn't sit still.

So I decided to post a new blog because for some reason when update, I lose all track of time. I get so engrossed, I'm just transfixed on my computer screen. It's so comfor¾oh! There was the doorbell. I think I know who it is!

More to come after the greatest night ever!

Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeless.

November 28, 2009 1:34:34 a.m.

Never had I uttered the word perfection in my head so many times, than I have tonight.

It was unlike any other. I don't think the smile ever left my face.

It all started with me going out to the car..

_I ran downstairs after I heard the doorbell, nearly falling a few times. When I got the door, I stopped and took a deep breath to compose myself. I didn't want to seem like a desperate girl when I opened that door._

_I opened the door slowly and collectively. I wanted to give off a mellow vibe. No guy wants to date a psycho._

_Edward looked dazzling. That's all there was to it. He wasn't in a suit, thank goodness but he was close enough. He wore a gray button down with black slacks. All I wanted to do was stare at him and drool. I felt like a lovesick girl. _

_Which is exactly what I am. _

_"Bell," Edward breathed. "You look gorgeous." _

_I blushed of course, and muttered thanks. He looks like a greek god._

_"A Greek god? That's definitely the best compliment I've ever gotten." _

_I hadn't noticed I said that out loud! What to do?! WHAT TO DO?! Play it cool. I've got to keep it cool and ease the tension._

_"Well that's what you look like." I said nervously. Bravo, bell, bravo._

_Edward opened my car door for me and I slid in. Knowing that his family is loaded I expected nothing short of a luxury vehicle. But Edward was driving a Volvo. A family car. This tells me that he's not into showing off. He's laidback. _

_I dig that. I was kind of worried I was going on a date with a pretty boy. _

_"So, where are we going?" _

_"Just dinner and maybe a movie. Is that okay? I didn't want to do something extravagant on the first date and scare you away." Edward said a little nervously. I found it rather cute. _

_I smiled. "It's perfect." _

_The drive up to Port Angeles was nice. We talked easily about anything and nothing at all. _

_When we arrived at the restaurant he again opened my door for me. Who ever said chivalry was dead? Some lonely girl with one to many bad boyfriends, of course. She just wasn't dating the right person. _

_A date that's what this was. I had a feeling of giddiness go through me just at the thought. I never wanted this night to end. _

_The restaurant was beautiful. It was very small, very cozy. It was a little Italian restaurant and it feels like you're really there. Everyone here speaks with some accent and music was playing over the loud speakers that sounded foreign. It was the perfect setting. _

_Except for the hostess. She could go back to wherever she came from. It was painfully obvious that Edward and I were together, but this girl had no discretion! I'm pretty sure a hooker would've blushed around her. _

_But Edward, if he did notice, didn't show it. So I did the same. _

_She led us back to a private area, and I could've swore I saw Edward slip her something. A tip for putting us back here perhaps? _

_She took our orders and walked away, no, sauntered is more like it. Did she think that was attractive or something? _

_I looked over Edward and saw he was staring at me, I blushed and looked down. _

_"What movie are we seeing?" I asked, trying to make conversation. _

_"The Hangover. Is that okay? Rotten Tomatoes gave it a pretty great review." _

_I'd heard about that one. It was supposed to be ridiculously hilarious. I'm just glad he didn't pick a scary movie. That would've kind of made the date lame. To cliché. _

_"That sounds great. So have you ever been here before? Because I have no clue what to get." I said looking down at my menu. _

_"I have not actually. I took this as a recommendation from Alice." _

_I laughed. "I didn't know Alice and yourself were such good friends." _

_He looked up at me and rolled his eyes, but he was laughing. "I've learned that it's best to befriend the friends. They'll help you out later." _

_My laughing suddenly stopped. I knew Edward Cullen had to have had a previous girlfriend. I wasn't naïve enough to delude myself into thinking otherwise. But I hadn't expected to breach the topic tonight, and I certainly wouldn't be the one to bring it up. _

_"Bell? Are you okay?" Edwards voice brought me out of my pout and back to our date. _

_"Yeah, I just kind of dozed off for a second." Edward smiled at me. "Good, I'd hate to have to cut this evening short." He gave me a look that could turn even the strongest of metal into goo. _

_Dinner went smoothly on from there. I ordered some pasta thing and Edward ordered a steak. The food was magnificent and the evening never once got awkward like it did when I had my little spacing out period. _

_But the question was still nagging me. When would we approach that subject? Would we ever? I'd only ever had one other boyfriend. And I don't think he was really my boyfriend seeing as how we went out for two days in kindergarten. I knew this was the time when most girls went digging around, but I felt that was dirty. If Edward felt that my knowing of his exes was of any importance, he would have said so. I just needed to trust him. _

_I needed to trust someone I've only known a week. Big warning signs were going off through my head at the thought. _

_When we got to the movie theater it was packed. There were teenage girls running around everywhere screaming something, about a guy named Edmund and a guy named Jack. _

_"What's going on here?" I whispered to Edward. _

_"Alice warned me of this. Apparently there is some new vampire tween movie premiere tonight. This movie is like a cult and these teenage girls are its faithful followers." _

_"Ohh, yeah! I remember now. I heard some girls talking about in Spanish class. At least we know our theater will be deserted." _

_Edward looked me at funny, raising one eyebrow. I then realized he probably took that last part of the sentence another than I meant it entirely. _

_"Oh no! I didn't mean it like that! It just bothers me to know end, when people talk during the movie." I exclaimed. _

_Edward had a smug smile on his face, and he just nodded. I looked to away and scolded myself for sounding like a cheap whore. Tanya Hurley probably said stuff like this on here dates. _

_I kept quiet the rest of the time. I was still embarrassed at my little slip up. I didn't have the guts to look at Edward. But I could see him out the corner of my eye sneaking glances at me and smiling when he caught my still blushing face. _

_"You know," Edward began as were walking into the theater. "That I was just teasing you back there, right? I know you didn't mean that." _

_I looked at his face finally and he looked as if he was worried he might have ruined the date. Impossible. I, on the other hand, was fast on my way to ruining the date. _

_I shook my head. "You didn't do anything, Edward. I'm just embarrassed that I said anything that could be construed into something like that. I was worried you'd think of me as a cheap hooker." _

_He laughed. "Bell, did you really think that? Jeez, if I wanted to date a cheap hooker I'd of accepted Tanya Hurley's offer when she asked me. I think no such thing of you, and you shouldn't either." _

_I busted out laughing when he made the comment about Tanya Hurley. I just couldn't help it. _

_"Bell, what's so funny? Is it my cheesy lines?" _

_I shook my head, trying to calm down enough so I could answer him. " It's just that I thought the same thing about Tanya Hurley earlier when I said it, and your lines aren't cheesy. But they're on the verge." _

_He laughed. "What a pair we make." Yes, what a pair. _

_We picked our seats out in the deserted movie theater and waited for the movie to began. We chatted about the best candy ever, sour patch kids. And the worst, Swedish fish. I'm glad I finally found someone to agree that Swedish fish suck and they're a pain to get out of your teeth. _

_The movie started and we quieted down. I was relieved Edward wasn't a chatterbox during movies, it annoys me to no end. _

_The movie was nothing short of what I'd heard. Edward and I laughed the whole time. When the credits started rolling, I felt pang in my stomach. I didn't want this night to end. _

_It seemed that Edward didn't either, because the whole way home he drove very slow. I had to smile at that. He wanted to spend time with me. _

_The ride home we chatted again. But this time it was more personal. I found out that his real parents abandoned him with their neighbors. Which just happened to be Carlisle and Esme. He was about three then so he doesn't remember much about his real parents and he doesn't care too. Carlisle and Esme are the only real parents he's ever known. _

_I told him my mom pretty much did the same, but my dad was up to the challenge of raising a thirteen year old girl. _

_When we pulled up to my house all the lights were out. Charlie must be in bed. I kind of thought he'd be waiting for me, but its nice to know that he trusts me. _

_Edward walked me to my door like a gentleman. We kind of stood their awkwardly for a moment, both of us knowing what were supposed to do now, but neither of us actually having the guts to do so. _

_Seeing Edward nervous gave me adrenaline. So I went in for it. I half expected him to push me away and run away screaming. But he didn't. _

_Have you ever read one of those cheesy romance novels and it gets to the part of the first kiss? The author always seems to describe it some retarded way about fireworks and two becoming one._

_But as I was kissing Edward I realized, that it's all true. I felt a spark when our lips touched. I was so happy, I didn't want to ever stop. _

_My first kiss was perfect. _

_When we broke apart we kept our foreheads together. I had this stupid grin on my face, and Edward did too. _

_"That was my first kiss." Edward whispered. _

_I looked up at him, surprise all in my face. "Really? It was mine too. But I kind of expected this to be like your gazillionth kiss." _

_He laughed. "I had one ex girlfriend and I broke up with her when she wanted to hold my hand." _

_"How old were you?" I asked, hoping this didn't happen like last year or something. A guy with intimacy issues? Just what I needed. _

_"About seven." He said looking down at the ground, embarrassed. _

_I put my hand under his chin, making he look up at me. "I think it's cute." I put my lips to his once more and the happiness feeling came back. _

_Screw Disney World, I'm pretty sure this is the happiest place on earth. _

_"Bell, I know it's only been one date, but it was the greatest date ever. Will you, will you be my gi-girlfriend?" Seeing Edward nervous made me laugh. This boy shouldn't be nervous about anything. _

_"Of course," I whispered smiling. He smiled back and pulled me into him. And we just stood there, engrossed in one another. _

_I went inside about five minutes later and had the happiest grin on my face_.

And now you know what it's like to be on a date, and be his girlfriend with Edward Cullen.

It's perfect.

Thoughts of the Perpetually Hopeful.

(You all knew the name change was coming. :) )

* * *

**AN:** So, it took longer than expected. I was busy with getting my first car (woo!) and finals. AP U.S. history is a butt kicker.

Epilogue should be posted in the next week. :D

clumsyyhouseaddict.


	9. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

* * *

Epilogue (four years later)

"Congratulations, Stanford Graduates, class of 2012!"

I looked over at Edward and smiled. We'd been together for almost five years now, and we were still going strong.

After our first date I decided to delete my blog, deciding that since Edward and I were together there was no point in it.

I was apprehensive when I told Edward about the blog, but he just laughed claiming that it was 'a nice display of my undying love for him'. I just rolled my eyes.

I always told myself that I wouldn't be one of those girls who based her life decisions on a boy (for example, I wouldn't go to the same college as my high school boyfriend.) But in the end, it worked out for me this way. Edward and I both got full rides to Standford, and I've never been one to pass away a good opportunity. I majored Literature while Edward is medicine.

The first year was the hardest. We argued a lot and were almost to the point of break up. But after that Edward and I flew into a steady rhythm and it was all smooth sailing from there.

I still kept in touch with Alice on a regular basis. She was across the country at NYU with her beloved Jasper, who she had married last spring.

But as I looked around at my fellow graduates I knew something was changing.

I had been contemplating asking Edward to marry me for quite some time. I know it was supposed to be the mans job, but it was the 21st century, a woman could do what she'd please.

So as I watched Edwards smile and laugh with our friends, I knew that tonight, I would ask him to marry me.

**EPOV. (shocked?)**

"Congratulations, Stanford Graduates class of 2012!"

I threw my hat in the air as were my fellow peers, smiling and laughing. I looked over at my beloved Bella and she smiled back.

If I had known that meeting Bella would change my life like this, I'd have moved to Forks a whole lot sooner.

Bella was my world and I had been contemplating on asking her to marry me for quite sometime.

I'd been putting it off, saying it wasn't the right time, but now as I was watching her, I knew it was right.

I'm asking Bella to marry me.

Tonight.

* * *

**AN:** So I wrote it sooner than expected. I had originally planned to end it, as a blog entry, but this felt more right to me, you know?

So, for the last time, could you please review? :)

clumsyyhouseaddict.


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